I'm back and yes I am indeed wearing black!

I've never been much at organizing my thoughts which is why I often balk at doing writing of any kind. It's not that I think I am a bad writer -please let me continue on in this belief- so much as how difficult I often find it to put my scattered thoughts to words. Perhaps my difficulty stems from endeavoring to to write as though to amuse others. On the other hand maybe from lack of subject matter as i do lead- though satisfying enough to me- what may seem to others a boring life.

Hello my name is Kristie and I am a truck driver and as such spend most of my life driving in circles and waiting. Be that as it may it isn't totally insufferable as I do manage to amuse myself in various ways ie: I read an inordinate amount of novels and have an almost limitless amount of time to devote to listening to the radio. The latter would be insufferable were it not for the advent of sirius satellite radio and the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation hem... or CBC if you prefer. In particular CBC 3 being the best mix of Canadian and otherwise indie rock. This has opened up my world to new and talented artists that are all but impossible to discover through any mainstream means. Artists who are actually trying something new altogether -ok that's pretty much been established as impossible as most mediums have been tried in at least one form or another. So ok... maybe not so much new but artists that are innovating relatively new sounds. In particular I've been noticing a real recurrance of the new wave sound of the 1980's which I find quite disturbing mostly because I often find myself rocking out to some new new wave (M83 anybody?) song that could have been on the "Breakfast Club" soundtrack. When I become conscious of this behaviour I can only feel shame lol. Ok maybe not and you know why? because it's fun goddammit. Wow but do I digress.

So at the rebirth of my blog I feel obligated to announce some sort of goal or purpose. Well I refuse. What I can tell you is that I will prattle on about music (unremittedly) books and news and well whatever subject in my life is the least boring to others. The latter isn't a guarantee.

Everybody likes a little cheese, so what's your favorite cheese?

By cheese I am referring to cheesy music. Today at work I found myself (much to my dismay) rocking out to Red Rider/ Tom Cochrane. I blame this (like all my faults) on my mother. I grew up listening to Red Rider, the Doobie Brothers, Tom Petty (although I still think he is cool) and the eagles, etc, etc. So I am here to ask now, what is your favorite cheese? Come on now we all know that we listen to and secretly enjoy something terriblely cheezy so let it out, it will make you feel better in the end. Come on.

On another note: I think I have enuff people interrested in a poker night so all that is left now is to make a date. I have narrowed it down to Monday or Friday night because those are the only nights when Robbie is home. So let me know on that as well.
Peace Folks.

Nothing refreshes better than a good day of nothing, except perhaps a good rant

Yesterday I did nothing, I didn't check my emails, I didn't make any important phones calls I basically did nothing constructive all day and it felt incredible. You know what I did do? I played video games. I listened to music and watched some dvds. I also read for a bit. It did the trick though because lately I have been on this kick of making the most of my time be it getting errands done or just going out, in doing so I have left myself little breathing room. I have been getting more stressed at work and have been slacking as a result. Not that I get paid nearly enough for how much work I do put in but that goes for a lot of people who are working without any formal training or schooling. We get the shit end of the stick not that it is much better for people with degrees who come out of school only to find a job that barely covers their loan payments if they can find a job at all. Of course there are always exceptions but that is just my experience and perhaps why I gave up on university. I know that I could very well come out of sociology with masters degree and still not be able to find a job other than being an instructor whom are very poorly paid and are having an increasingly more difficult time finding full time work as the unversity money machine keeps growing and swallowing their own morals.
At the end of my winter semester last year I was in a really bad spot - disillusioned with university but still maintaining a deep belief in what I had learned. I went into the program hoping that I could change the world but there are few solutions in sociology just a lot of bitching, elitism and few future prospects. So I went on my trip to England thinking that I would come to some sort of epiphany about my life and what I was to do with it. Like most things expected to happen that didn't at all.
... Then came the canoe trip. I was excited by it but felt it would be superceded by my trip to Europe. In fact not only was it not overshadowed but I think it did some overshadowing of its own. I felt an incredible sense of freedom that I don't think I have ever felt before. More than anything for once I felt as though I was exactly where I was supposed to be and doing exactly what I was meant to do. I don't feel at home in our society and never have, I have always questioned captitalism and even from a young age I wondered why it existed . I thought that I could deal with these feelings and find a home for myself in sociology but I was only given more questions with no answers or vague ones. So instead of dealing with society through sociology I am going to run from it with ecotourism. I am going to do some growing up and maybe start a business or maybe I will come back ready to make a difference or at least try.
Peace Folks

New Year's is overrated (I hope)

Well... it's been a while since I have wrote anything on here. Christmas was the same as it always is... bittersweet. It was good to see all my friends and family but at the same time the overwhelming commercialization and pressure to buy everyone you know a gift always taints it for me. I don't even really know why I celebrate Christmas as I am not a Christian. I suppose however that that goes for a lot of people. In a lot of ways I like to think of christmas as a celebration of love. Yes I realize that is completely cheezy but so is most of what I write in here so why stop now. Cheeziness aside I think I just prefer that to the obvious consumer celebration of a boost to the economy that progressively gets worse every year.

As most of you know I got incredibly sick two days before New Year's which sucks so much mainly for the fact that I missed out on seeing a lot of people I wanted to. Other than that New Year's has become vastly overrated for me. Next year I think we should all just get together and not worry about making the best party of the year but perhaps just enjoy eachother's company.

I don't really have too much more to say except that I was thinking of setting up a poker nights of some sorts and that anyone who is interrested should let me know. Perhaps after that we can have a little bit a peotry reading to be followed by interpretive dancing and good natured frivolity. Pilon, you may bring your bongoes but only is I can demonstrate my mad slide whistle skills, an instrument that has been vastly underrated. Anywho back to poker... it definately won't be high stakes if we play for money at all. Should we decide to make it interesting I was thinking of keeping it at 5 a person.

Peace folks

Peoms written, forgotten about, remembered and now inflicted on you

These peoms were written by myself quite sometime ago and are a little cheezy but fit perfectly into my previous post because although they are niave they still reflect similiar opinions that I still possess. I believe that this peom was written shortly after the U.S's declaration of war on Iraq.

Emperor Weasel
you come out of your hole
waiting impatiently for the next war

emperor weasel
how did you win the race?
was it not clear on your face?

Emperor Weasel
you've come to finish
what has already started
the hope exists in many that you will fail
but hope would seem to be of little avail

Southern Weasel are you so stupid?
yet so intelligent to fool them all
is this not a loser war?

Southern Weasel
you hide your motives
behind that egotistical mind
For surely you are the emperor
flaunt your riches
flaunt them over the poor
never let them win
Is that not what this war is about?
Conseve the feeling drought

Followers remain under the riegn
for the emperor shall lead the rich to more

puppet, puppet let me rule thee
for this day will not allow to transpire
a modern day empire

Untitled

The golden bar
dangle it above them all
watch the stuggle, grasping then fall
leeches in thousand dollar suits
taking what they lack
sucking up the pure and shitting out the toys
You have got to love the taste
chewing on the talent
feeding off the chaste

Sex is the product
bodies are the merchandise
so you had better hope for soemthing nice
talent without beauty
is like thirst surrounded by sea

what's to worry
nothing that money and drugs can't bury
your smile is deception
you steal and you plunder
like a modern day pirate of souls
and we are all your fools
but in the end you will be the biggest of them all
I will spit on you when you fall

Untitled II (2004)

I will stomp adversaries
crush their memories
I will spit, I will scratch
I will rip the penny from the kitten's throat
besides... I need a new boat
I will tear the respect
from the working woman's back
they do not deserve what they lack

As we grow older do we lose a part of our former selves?

I am not sure how long I have been pondering this question but it seems that ever since I moved to Regina there has been a split in my internal interpretation of myself. Perhaps it is just changes that have occurred externally in my life that make me feel as though I myself have actually changed. They say that the past is another country and it hasn't been until recently that I have completely understood that cliche. My life in Weyburn seems so distant and different that sometimes it does feel totally foriegn. I can definately admit to being a nostalgic and the drawing I have towards simpliar times. But, were they ever that simple though? I have considered this for sometime and feel that perhaps the human mind (or mine at least) does not allow us to believe that our lives are simple even when they are. We have all had hard times and we have all had times that were much simpliar but it is only by reflecting back do we recognize these differences. There is always something in the present to worry about - consider your childhood. Did you ever run away or at least entertain the thought? What were your reasons? In my case my dad may have yelled at me or my sisters pissed me off. Things that seem so trivial now that we reflect, but at the time were worthy of uprooting my entire stable life into one of almost certain failure had I actually not came back (without anyone noticing no less). So it would seem that no matter the circumstances stress is prevalent in our lives from childhood to adulthood. And that although our previous stresses are now mostly considered foolish at the time they were just as serious and threatening as the ones that afflict us today. So do we really change with our experiences, our problems and their solutions or lack there of? I like to think that I am still basically the same person with a bit more wisdom.

As we grow older do we lose a part of our former selves?

I am not sure how long I have been pondering this question but it seems that ever since I moved to Regina there has been a split on my internal interpretation of myself. Perhaps it is just changes that have occurred externally in my life that make me feel as though I myself have actually changed. They say that the past is another country and it hasn't been until recently that I have completely understood that cliche. My life in Weyburn seems so distant and different that sometimes it does feel totally foriegn. I can definately admit to being a nostalgic and the drawing I have towards simpliar times. But, were they ever that simple though? I have considered this for sometime and feel that perhaps the human mind (or mine at least) does not allow us to believe that our lives are simple even when they are. We have all had hard times and we have all had times that were much simpliar but it is only by reflecting back do we recognize these differences. There is always something in the present to worry about - consider your childhood. Did you ever run away or at least entertain the thought? What were your reasons? In my case my dad may have yelled at me or my sisters pissed me off. Things that seem so trivial now that we reflect, but at the time were worthy of uprooting my entire stable life into one of almost certain failure had I actually not came back (without anyone noticing no less). So it would seem that no matter the circumstances stress is prevalent in our lives from childhood to adulthood. And that although our previous stresses are now mostly considered foolish at the time they were just as serious and threatening as the ones that afflict us today. So do we really change with our experiences, our problems and their solutions or lack there of? I like to think that I am still basically the same person with a bit more wisdom.

As we grow older do we lose a part of our former selves?

I am a real idiot - no surprise to most of you

Well I am feeling awfully foolish today... I thaught that I couldn't edit my blog but really I am half retarded and here is why:
I was actually just typing in my blog name wrong- can you say stoner? In my defense however blogger never told me that I was putting in my name wrong it just went to a partially loaded page.
Speaking of being a stoner I have recently made a very good decision and that is to cut back on my excessive smoking. It just happened to me one day... I just got sick of it. Everything about it really, no longer was it recreational but a part of my daily life. I have gained wieght (from the munchies) and already since I "quit" I have lost wieght and am beginning to feel better about myself. I put quit in quaotaions because I haven't really quit it all together I will just no longer let it control my life. I feel like I have lost two years of my life - I haven't really but I can't remember them as well as I should. In additon I love that I can now once again remember my dreams - something that once used to facinate me. I will not digress on that now but will probably make a post about it later. I am no longer cronically burnt out and when I do decide to smoke weed... wow. My motivational drives (although admitedly never that strong) are coming back as well as my short term memory. I feel like myself again!

I would like to just mention to my pot smoking friends that in no way am I trying to be preachy and suggest that my experience is the same as yours. This is just how I feel and in no way am I trying to be critical of others. Our choices are our own and reflect our own lives and in no way should they ever be applied to others.

Kristie T.

Let's just see how long this lasts...

I have to admit I don't have a lot of confidence in myself to keep up with this blog but I will give it an honest shot.

On the other hand once I get bitching it is pretty hard for me to start. Right now I am not really feeling at my best I am tired, hungover and hungry which is a real stellar combination with the thinking and writing . Sadly enuff I think I will end it here and come back when I can form a proper thought.